Explaining My Poem

I used a lot of metaphors and imagery in my writing so readers could visualize the feelings I was experiencing, and the things I was remembering at the time I wrote.
For instance when I talk about the self inflicted wounds that is describing a time in my life when I would self sabotage because I didn't know how else to release the pain I was feeling. Since that time I have developed coping skills that have kept me from dealing with pain in that way.
When I talk about my need to adjust and becoming callused I'm referring to times that I no longer could be afraid of life. It's almost like knowing you are about to walk through fire, your are scared...but you have to do it anyway, because if you don't you will never get to the other side of the room. You become hard after experiences like that.
Losing my innocence refers to me no longer being naive. I came to a point in my life where I could not afford to be trusting for my own good. In order to protect myself from things I felt others in my life should have protected me from all along. People who had promised they would do so, but obviously did not follow through with that promise.
The next part describes my relationship with an ex boyfriend who I became pregnant by. I liken it to a fairytale because that's what our relationship was to me at the time. I go on to explain how I feel the romance caused my relationships with my family to slip. Sometimes it still feels like its slipping.
Later in the poem I describe the adoption of my son and my feelings with that. However, I don't like to elaborate on that.
When I talk about the rugs I am trying to explain that my messy life seems to overlap onto others. And that’s not fun for me, OR my family.
So I would run away. And this is a literal reference. I moved to Utah and ended up on the streets for a while. I could not handle being in the world I was in back in AZ. Life on the streets, being homeless...Is beyond scary. It's such a hard life style to live. I talked about trying to find love even in situations like that.
Then I describe my anger towards religion. (Which by the way did not last long, eventually I realized it was my faith that was keeping me going.)
Then I question if everything is my fault. Or Others...Or both.
I talk about later as being a "toy" towards others. This is referring to men who have used me.
Then I get into some spiritual thoughts. About faith that I can be saved through Christ.
I talk about my angels, people in my life who have made it so I could go on even when times were way hard.
Among them are my parents, my closest friends, church leaders, and my son and his family.
Later I go on to wonder if I my brain am just messed up from everything I have experienced. Or I wonder if the clutter is a result of an unstable life.
The rest of the lines were about my thoughts... and how at times they can be overwhelming, and they race.
The last line is to clarify thought that I know there is hope for me. There is hope for me; there is hope for those who have it harder than me. There is ALWAYS hope for everyone.